Dealing with the Terrible Two's

Well it finally happened. My awesome little man turned 2 years old and right on schedule he started acting up.  It used to be no big deal like crying when we had to stop playing, but that was easy to deal with.
  Now it's not just crying. He has learned how to stomp his feet and yell when he is told to stop doing something. Combined with crying it can be quite embarrassing.  I've been thankful that I haven't had a big episode in public, but I know it's coming.
  That's not the worst of it.  He has started to not listen when we tell him to do something. For example when it is time for bed and we ask him to clean up his toys, he bows his head and says "No no no no."  It's honestly adorable, but then when we ask him again he turns his back to us with the same, "No no no no." I know this is him putting up a stand that he doesn't want to do what he is told. Showing his personality and defiance to the rules.  I honestly feel pride and joy at this when I see it. I know he is a fighter and has a strong will.
  It really doesn't bother me, but I have seen first hand what happens when you don't enforce the rules to a child.  I'm not saying you need to be a drill sergeant, but showing a strong front is necessary.  Also trying not to your temper is really hard.  I admit that there have been a few times when he has just pushed my buttons and I'm at the end of my rope. I do the one thing I shouldn't ever do. I yell at him.  I yell at my two year old son...  I instantly regret it, and of course I have scared my son and he starts crying.
  I love him so much and I absolutly hate showing that side of myself to my son.  I want him to be happy and enjoy this age, but at the same time I know that I need to show that I am not someone he can ignore or blow off. I have to be a parent.
 Crazy thing for me is actually admitting that.  I'm about to turn 40 years old and I am a father.  If you had asked me about this when I was a 13, you would have heard a much different response.  Which is why this age is so important not just for kids but parents as well. It's fine to make your kid happy, but you also have to keep them safe.
   The only way to do that is to make sure your child knows that Mommy and Daddy make the rules.  No argument. You are the parent. That means you have to keep your child safe.  That means when you say "No", the child listens.  Whether it be playing in the dirt, throwing wood-chips at the park or crossing the street.  You can always find another way to have fun with them and keep them safe, but you have to be a parent first and a friend second.  I know it is a hard choice to make. Believe me I know,  but I want my son to be safe and happy, not just happy.
  And just to be clear I live in a cul-de-sac, next to a park, which is right next to a freight-train line. NO FENCE between the park and the train tracks. So I am taking no chances with his safety,  I am the parent first and the friend second.  When I say "No,"  I want him to stop, realize that I am his parent and he needs to listen.
 What makes it even harder is that this is only the first of many changes that will be happening as he grows up.  I wish it was going to take longer, but time waits for no man, especially a loving father.

Lindsey Stirling yes son that is a super star!

Facebook: "You know I have to say this because it is just one of the many things I respect about Lindsey Stirling that so many other young female performers in Hollywood feel the need to do, but shouldn't. Lindsey, Thank you for keeping your clothes on.
Now don't misunderstand me. I have the greatest respect for women and especially women of singing, dancing and performing talent. But I'm just tired of seeing so many young women feeling the need to expose themselves when it really isn't necessary. There are some truly, amazing, talented and inspiring young women today. People of musical skill and beauty. Why do they take their clothes off? They say it's them expressing themselves and their talent or breaking out of their shell into womanhood. Lindsey has shown over the last 3 years that it isn't necessary to be successful, talented and skilled. She hasn't swung naked on ball or worn a bikini out on stage or "Twerked" at all. Yet she fills venues and sells out ticket offices every time she performs.
I truly respect Lindsey for showing real character and dignity, by not stooping to the level some celebrities do. This is the kind of celebrity that kids can look up to and learn from. Parents like me can point her out to our kids and say,"That is a super star."
Thank you Lindsey."



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Avoiding creating a spoiled brat!

The biggest fear a parent can have besides the safety of their offspring, is the raising of the child to NOT be a spoiled little brat.
  This is a process that is not done overnight. It takes not just discipline of the child but also of the parents. You have to be willing to be an adult and teacher to your child, in addition to being a friend and confidant.
 If you want to have a child that will not only listen to what you say but also show respect to their teachers, relatives, friends and family, you have to be willing to teach it to them and set an example. They say it takes a community to raise a child, but that community starts with the parents. You can be your childs best friend, but a friend also knows when to pull their friend back from going to far. A true friend stops their friend from making a mistake they will regret.  Parents are the best friend a child can have. You have been alive and experienced life, while the child has not.
 It is you who has to help them learn the proper way to act and allow them to learn from their mistakes. This means you have to take on the responsibilities of not only a friend but guardian.
  So take some helpful advice and learn the right way to do that.
Here's some tips...

Say no...often. Practice delayed gratification and simply not always giving your children what they want, even if you can easily afford it. 

Expect gratitude. Go beyond teaching your child to say please and thank you. Also teach them eye contact, a proper hand shake, affection and appreciation for the kind and generous things that are said and given to them. If this does not happen, have them return the gift (either to the person or to you for safe keeping) and explain that they aren't yet ready to receive such a gift.

Practice altruism yourself. Donate clothes and toys to those in need (not just to your neighbors when it's easy and they have younger children!) and have your kids be a part of that process. Do this regularly as a family and sort through, package and deliver the goods together so the kids really see where their things are going. Do this often and not just around the holidays.

Be mindful of the company you keep. If you only hang around other affluent families who are not raising their kids with intention, you may be surrounding yourself with those who will not help out with what you are trying to accomplish. Be sure family or friends you are spending significant time with have similar values to yours, otherwise you are going to feel defeated after a while.

Write thank you cards. Yes, handwritten on paper with a pen! Kids these days generally have shorter attention spans, are easily distracted and aren't taught to take careful time and attention to express their appreciation. This simple yet important act can go a long way as a skill to teach expression of feelings and thoughtfulness.

Don't catch every fall. Practice natural consequences from an early age — share some of your own experiences and teach them lessons such as "life is not fair." In addition, don't over-protect them from disappointments. You have to really understand and believe that failing and falling is a part successful childhood development.

Resist the urge to buy multiples of things. Just because you can doesn't mean that you should! Don't buy four American Girl Dolls—buy just one and have your child loveand appreciate what they have.

Talk to their grandparents and explain your intentions to them. Share with them your desires to have respectful, appreciative, kind and responsible children and the ways in which you are going to achieve that goal. You will need their help in doing this if they are like most grandparents who want to spoil their grandkids! Ask them to spoil them with love, time, affection and attention—not toys, treats and money.

Teach them the value of money. Have your child manage their money through saving, giving to charity/others and then spending.  If you do this from an early age you are truly setting a foundation of responsible wealth management.

Share your story. Last but not least, you should tell your kids the legacy of your family's fortune. When I say wealth or fortune, that is all relative. If you come from significant wealth tell the story of how that was earned and created. If you are self-made, tell that story too—just don't forget that "giving your kids everything that you didn't have" is not always a good thing. There is probably a lot that you learned along the way by stumbling to make you the person you are today.

Parenting Advice: The Parenthood Style That Raises Humble Kids | Dr. Sheryl Ziegler | YourTango:
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Thriving While Parenting a Toddler | Andrea Nair

Need some tricks to improve toddler cooperation? Here are my suggestions for things to do instead of using punishment with young children:

Do not pose instructions as a yes/ no question. "Do you want to put your shoes on?" will often get a reply of "NO!" Use an "it's time to..." statement. "It's time to put your shoes on."

Do not use the word "OK" when giving instructions. Throwing "OK?" with a high-pitched tone turns your instruction into a yes/no question.

Try using races (if your child likes that). "Let's see if you can get into your car seat before I count to 10!"

Be creative and/or gross with everyday tasks. For example, "There's a fire in the potty! Who can put it out?!" Sound effects and silly faces are extra cool.

No surprises! Announcements like, "OK, it's time to go," may result in an hour of yelling. Use transition signals and warnings.

Find a way to give directions in a way that doesn't feel coercive. Instead of "Wash your hands," try, "everyone with clean hands can sit down to eat."

Invest time in them. Your child needs your undivided attention more than anything else. Undistracted, on-the-floor time (cell phone/computer/TV off) every day will help form a secure attachment.

Routine, routine, routine. A predictable order of things at a consistent time reduces yelling. Ask her to help you create a morning or bedtime routine and then make a chart using simple drawings to post on the fridge.

Reduce compromisers. Take care of hunger, sleep needs and overstimulation.

Get used to being a broken record. It might take hundreds of repeats of "Hitting is not OK. Let's hit the chair instead when we feel full of anger." These directions will eventually sink in.

Toddler-proof the entire house. The more thoroughly you toddler-proof your house, the less you will have to convince them to not climb on, pull down, or get into things that will hurt them.

NEVER say "HURRY UP!" This will make your child slam into slow motion. There is a deep instinct in all of us called counterwill. If a child feels he has lost control, he will be compelled to do the opposite. Try hard to not be in a rush yourself.

Don't ask your child to stop yelling. He is yelling because he is likely angry or scared. Give him a safe place to get it all out. Yelling into pillows, sweaters or his elbow allows him to resolve his feelings.

Learn to support your child through a tantrum. Stay nearby, calm and quiet while your child is melting down. Have a tantrum management plan, responding the same way each time freak outs occur.

Try not to take it personally. Even if you feel more equipped to handle fits of yelling, they still might be difficult to go through. Try saying this to yourself during these times, "This child is not trying to hurt me. This too shall pass." I also found it helpful to do slow, long breathing.

Thriving While Parenting a Toddler | Andrea Nair:



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The time is nearing

Been a while since I posted but I needed to get this down. it's June 21st and the baby is 37 weeks (I think), His (yes it's a boy) head is down and he is estimated to be 5lbs 8oz.  We have a date for July 17th but technically the kid could be here tomorrow if he wanted.
  My wife and I have been to all the classes. "Baby makes 3", "Breastfeeding and you" etc. We've had the tour of the hospital area where we will be staying. We moved from my one bedroom condo to a raised ranch house(3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, big basement). We've had 2 showers for the baby and have tons of clothes, basic baby supplies, blankets, etc. Furniture(crib, dresser, rocker, etc) has been purchased and  we are just waiting for delivery and assembly.
  I'm both very excited and scared out of my mind.  The most unfortunate thing is the money situation. We haven't been able to find someone to rent my old condo yet and paying for two mortgages is starting to pull on my savings.  If we don't find someone soon, I may have to try selling the place for way less than it's worth and risk paying off the rest out of pocket, which could drain all my accounts (damn real-estate economy).
  The only thing that gives me pause is that last week I finally got to feel my son move in my wife's body. For some reason I haven't been able to actually feel him until now. Every time I felt around her growing belly, I couldn't feel him, though my wife could.  It's strange how that one little thing finally made it all hit me. THERE IS SOMETHING IN THERE!  It's not that I didn't believe it, but it's like the old thinking when relating to something. It's not real unless you can actually touch and feel it. It's almost relatable to God. Everything tells you that something is there, but if you can't see it or feel it, how do you know it's really there? I love having that knowledge. But inevitably once you have one question answered, 3 more take it's place. I don't really know all the answers but I have a few to those questions. Some are good and some are bad, but I'm dealing with them best I can.

The worst about the whole thing is my family. My wifes family is still so accepting of our marriage and being together. Her mom is flying out in July to help us with the birth and caring for the baby when it's born for most of the month.  She is so great and has been the best Mother-in-Law I could have ever hoped for.  My family on the other hand has been fighting with us the whole time. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. I've been nothing but supportive in my families needs for years. My sister's relationships, marriages, their kids and all the responsibilities of a big brother and uncle. As well as doing all I can to help my parents now that they are getting on in years and helping anyway I can.  Now when I need their help they are treating me like I'm unwanted garbage that they can't get rid of. I really don't understand how they can be so cruel to me. After all I have sacrificed for them and done to help them in their lives, why are they so against helping me?!
 So I married the girl they didn't want. So I planned a secret-surprise wedding without them. IT'S NOT THEIR LIFE... it's MY LIFE DAMMIT!!!

  WOW. It feels good to put that out of my head.

Anyway, moving on. I'm slowly getting the house ready and trying to keep it clean and organized, though my wife's unfortunate cluttered-messiness isn't helping.  She's so tired now and has lacking spurts of energy. The worst part is that she still puts so many tasks on her plate that she can't handle. She still thinks big when she needs to think small and we have less time than she thinks.  I'm trying to be supportive and be there for her but with work everyday and my less time on the weekends, makes it very difficult to keep my head up.

  I love my wife so much and I'm really happy about how things are going, but I'm no fool. Things are going to get so crazy when the baby gets here and I need to be ready. I just wish things would stabilize enough that I can get things done on and around the house, so that when the little guy gets here, we can focus all our energy on him and nothing else gets in the way.

I'll try to update as time goes by but I'm going to be really busy.  So Happy 4th to you all and wish me luck. \

Shit...I'm gonna be a Dad!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Realization at 7:45AM

 I honestly can't wait till our kid gets here. I've been looking forward to it. Which is the cliche that all fathers probably say when they have their first kid, but I am excited not just for the kid but the changes and challenges that are before me now. For so long I have been looking for a new drive in my life now that my career path has kind of plateau-ed. So much has changed in the last year that I'm finding myself feeling very positive about things and yet I've become more aware of just how messed up the world is. Funny thing is, I'm welcoming the fear and nervousness. I feel myself rising to the challenge and ready to face it with open arms. I think of all the years of getting my heart stomped on and being knocked around emotionally has been preparing me for this time in my life.
 I realize now what an idiot I was in my youth thinking I had any idea of what life was about and that my knowledge of the world was enough. I really was clueless to it all.

 Wow, where did that come from? Heh. I haven't even had coffee yet. :)

How babies are made

How babies are made:

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