Thriving While Parenting a Toddler | Andrea Nair

Need some tricks to improve toddler cooperation? Here are my suggestions for things to do instead of using punishment with young children:

Do not pose instructions as a yes/ no question. "Do you want to put your shoes on?" will often get a reply of "NO!" Use an "it's time to..." statement. "It's time to put your shoes on."

Do not use the word "OK" when giving instructions. Throwing "OK?" with a high-pitched tone turns your instruction into a yes/no question.

Try using races (if your child likes that). "Let's see if you can get into your car seat before I count to 10!"

Be creative and/or gross with everyday tasks. For example, "There's a fire in the potty! Who can put it out?!" Sound effects and silly faces are extra cool.

No surprises! Announcements like, "OK, it's time to go," may result in an hour of yelling. Use transition signals and warnings.

Find a way to give directions in a way that doesn't feel coercive. Instead of "Wash your hands," try, "everyone with clean hands can sit down to eat."

Invest time in them. Your child needs your undivided attention more than anything else. Undistracted, on-the-floor time (cell phone/computer/TV off) every day will help form a secure attachment.

Routine, routine, routine. A predictable order of things at a consistent time reduces yelling. Ask her to help you create a morning or bedtime routine and then make a chart using simple drawings to post on the fridge.

Reduce compromisers. Take care of hunger, sleep needs and overstimulation.

Get used to being a broken record. It might take hundreds of repeats of "Hitting is not OK. Let's hit the chair instead when we feel full of anger." These directions will eventually sink in.

Toddler-proof the entire house. The more thoroughly you toddler-proof your house, the less you will have to convince them to not climb on, pull down, or get into things that will hurt them.

NEVER say "HURRY UP!" This will make your child slam into slow motion. There is a deep instinct in all of us called counterwill. If a child feels he has lost control, he will be compelled to do the opposite. Try hard to not be in a rush yourself.

Don't ask your child to stop yelling. He is yelling because he is likely angry or scared. Give him a safe place to get it all out. Yelling into pillows, sweaters or his elbow allows him to resolve his feelings.

Learn to support your child through a tantrum. Stay nearby, calm and quiet while your child is melting down. Have a tantrum management plan, responding the same way each time freak outs occur.

Try not to take it personally. Even if you feel more equipped to handle fits of yelling, they still might be difficult to go through. Try saying this to yourself during these times, "This child is not trying to hurt me. This too shall pass." I also found it helpful to do slow, long breathing.

Thriving While Parenting a Toddler | Andrea Nair:



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